I am often asked this question by many clients who are frightened and bewildered by the behaviours of their partner. These behaviours might include
1. A lack of affection or sexual interest..
2. A lot more interest in work, projects or hobbies.
3. Spending a lot more time socializing or intensifying a certain friendship.
4. An obvious lack of communication or desire to discuss anything important.
5. Scheduling things so there is no time to share together.
6. Sudden irritability with everything you say or do.
While these behaviors can be evidence of an affair it is often not the case. Mostly these are the signs of a relationship heading into dangerous waters and an urgent call to change direction before the ship stars sinking and people start planning to abandon ship.
Often these unhealthy conditions have existed for a long time and these behaviors are the final signs of frustration and long term resentment coming out. Strong and healthy intervention at this stage which might need to be several weeks in a relationship program for both partners, can result in a breakthrough to a new level of relating where honesty, intimacy, trust and respect are the foundations. Hesitating or doing nothing will likely lead to a complete breakdown.
Even if there is an affair happening( which is usually signaled by a lot of lying) it is still often a desperate attempt to bring about change in the relationship. Because people don’t know how to facilitate these changes in a healthy and conscious way, they unconsciously projecting the problem out into the world involving others and while it does bring attention to the problem it also creates a lot of hurt for everyone.