Making decisions is a vitally important role in our lives that we need to utilise many times a day. Some of these choices are trivial like “will I accept this invitation to a party?” or rather big like “will I stay in my relationship?” When the fear of commitment arises in people, it can make their decisions, big or small turn into torturous experiences wasting precious energy and time and placing undue obstacles in their path making life feel overly complicated.
Common scripts that plague these people might be “what if I am wrong?”or “something better might come along” or “I will leave it till I have more information”. They end not making a decision till the last moment when the doors of opportunity have all but closed and only one option is left leaving them with no choice. This process can create chaos in a person’s life and over many years can manifest great suffering and loss.
Every decision that is made is questioned over and over until the only thing left is doubt and worry. This strips most experiences of any real joy and adds up to an unfulfilled life.
Fear of commitment is an attempt to create certainty in one’s life and while logically this seems reasonable and even sensible it is an illusion. Seeking certainty is like finding “the one” or discovering a book of rules that will guide you perfectly or expecting to feel 100% certain of anything. The only thing certain in life is uncertainty, change, the unknown.
Life becomes an exciting adventure when you learn to play in the field of the unknown, to accept that all decisions include risk and opportunity and it is only after the experience that you will be able to evaluate. Certainly we should employ our senses, our
- gut instinct,
- heartfelt feelings
- logical capacity
- over viewing spiritual perspective
to guide us to our most likely enjoyable experience, but in reality it will always be a well formed guess. Our lives are like sailing a boat, it is impossible to stay perfectly on course. We are constantly going off track and correcting. We learn our best lessons and grow from our mistakes.
I enjoy supporting people to be free of the fear of the commitment trap and to discover the wisdom to:
- accept you cannot get it perfectly right,
- know that all decisions are as good as a guess,
- relax and enjoy the element of uncertainty.